A Little Perspective

The following was written by a dear friend of mine.  With all the craziness that I face in my life, her comments are sobering and really put the small stuff into perspective.  The names of my friend, her partner and children have been removed because let's face it.  There are crazies out there who would find pleasure in causing them pain. If you know their names and want to comment, please do NOT use their names to protect them.  I love you M, J, P, T and H. 

I know a few of you are growing tired of all the political posts or comments recently expressed on my Facebook page but with the Presidential election just days away and early voting already open, I need to clarify what this election means to me and to my family.

Listen, I acknowledge that each of you, regardless of your party affiliation, supports gay rights in the abstract - if you don't, please unfriend me now. But this election, for the first time in history, puts my rights and the rights of my family in question. Never before have two viable candidates been so far apart on gay rights issues nor has any other candidate been so vocal in their desire to solidify discrimination (on a multitude of levels) against me and my family. I get it, gay rights are not the most important issue to you and your family, your basic rights aren’t being voted on, they aren’t in jeopardy so it’s easy to sweep this issue under the rug. However, in an effort to help you understand exactly what is at stake for me, I want to be very specific:

First and foremost are our children, that’s right, OUR children. As of 2010, both of our names appear on our children’s birth certificates and we have an adoption decree assuring that no one can ever question J and I as T, P or H’s parents. But it infuriates me that we had to petition the court to insure that protection and that BOTH of us had to undergo a background check, have a home study and provide financials. Don’t get me wrong, I am eternally grateful that our adoption took place and I also recognize that we are in the minority with respect to second-parent legal rights. Paul Ryan wants to ban adoption by same-sex partners - including J and I - despite research showing that same-sex parents provide equally loving and stable home environments that result in healthy, well-adjusted children.

Secondly, as of 2012, 29 states allow businesses to fire me because I am gay, but it's considered discrimination to fire someone simply for being over a certain age, or for being Muslim or hard of hearing. Both Romney and Ryan are against employment protection for gays. Think for a second how that must feel, to know that the candidate your loved ones are voting for thinks that you should not have the basic right to WORK.

How many of you remember the story of Mathew Shepherd? Surely we can agree that beating someone to death while calling them a "faggot" is an act of hate? But both Romney and Ryan are against protecting gays in this Country's hate crimes laws, laws which Bush vowed to veto if it reached his desk and Obama ultimately signed into effect. So under the Romney/Ryan administration, I can legally be fired simply for being gay and IF someone murders me for the same reason, my murder would not fall under the hate crime law.

This takes me onto another issue, largely ignored by his supporters, if elected; Romney wants to reverse efforts made by Obama to protect people like myself by returning to individual states, the option to dictate weather or not I have the right to visit J in the event that she is hospitalized. Obama issued a landmark executive order to insure that I would not be turned away at that most important time in our lives, the moment where one of us is hospitalized and needs the comfort of our closest loved one. Romney continues to assert that he will reverse this order as he believes that my being by J’s side in her time of need is a “benefit” not a right. For my married, heterosexual counterparts, it is your right and one that I assume each of you would exercise if such tragedy ever struck your family. How would you feel to have that right taken away? What would it feel like to think of your husband or wife dying in the next room, without you there to comfort them? It has happened, and it could easily happen to our family if Romney/Ryan are elected.

Next, an issue that gets me so upset I will have to keep my comments to a minimum here but please know that Romney and Ryan not only support DADT, but Romney has repeatedly said he would fight to reverse the repeal. The repeal of DADT allows J to go to work every day without fear of being investigated and possibly discharged (DISHONORABLY) simply because she loves ME and our family. What kind of Commander in Chief doesn't support a war vet who has completed not one but THREE year-long deployments defending this Country?

Lastly, there’s the issue of marriage equality. According to the Defense of Marriage Act, J and I are both single. If one of us dies, we could face inheritance taxes on our own property. When we moved to Fort Hood, by the military’s request, I was required to quit my job. Legally married spouses would be able to file for unemployment while they seek new employment. That was not an option for me. Because we cannot marry and receive federal recognition, I do not have access to health insurance or any other benefit provided by the United States Military. We had to pay out of our own pockets for me to relocate during this most recent move and flights to Hawaii are NOT cheap. While 25 states allow cousins to marry, which are immediately recognized federally, there are 1,138 rights, benefits and privileges of marriage, WE are not allowed. Not only are Romney and Ryan vocal supporters of DOMA, they're also in favor of a constitutional ban on gay marriage and have promised to only nominate anti-gay judges.

So when you see me post something or hear me talk about my disdain for what Romney/Ryan represents, this is where I am coming from. These men pose a serious danger to my family...to my children’s family. Those of you who worry that you MIGHT pay a few extra dollars in taxes have NO idea how it feels to worry that your family will come under immediate attack if Romney is elected. It takes an act of Congress to raise taxes or balance a budget, but on day one in office, they can and will advance many of their beliefs through executive orders. And they've committed to doing just that. I respect that each of you hold differing beliefs and that you feel as if there are more important issues that make up your mind with respect to who you will vote for but I can’t fathom how you put taxes over the basic right of all individuals to love the one they love and to protect their families at any cost. No one can say for certain that Romney will balance the budget or that he will bring more jobs back to this Country (we’ve had other Presidents promise this and fail) but what we can say for certain is that Romney/Ryan are passionate about putting laws and previsions in place that will directly impact my family. They will have a catastrophic impact on the health and well-being of my partner, our three girls and what the future looks like for all five of us. I'm asking you to think about my family, think about each of our daughters, before you cast your vote. Can you honestly say you'd vote for someone who promises to take away your legal rights, and to prevent you from being treated equally? What if that politician threatened your legal rights to your own children? What if you had to get up in the morning and go to work defending his rights knowing that he was actively working to strip yours?

Friends Forever

I remember, or at least I think I do, my best friend Carrie’s first birthday party. I’m three years older than she is so she may not remember this. She was sitting in her high chair staring at a cake. She was adorable and had big chubby cheeks you just wanted to pinch. (She still does, although they’re not chubby anymore!). Actually, a lot of my childhood memories involve her.  She is my soul mate. I don’t know how else to describe our friendship. It’s Just a way that two people are destined to be together forever kind of way.  I don’t know a lot about reincarnation but if it’s real I’m certain she and I have been friends forever and will be in the next life too. How lucky am I? 

My next memory of us is when her mom and my aunt lived together in this big ol’ Victorian house. I mean this house was HUGE. Carrie always had the coolest toys to play with. She had this awesome Big Wheel® and this motorized car like thing. This old house had all of these cool sidewalks and paths around it so she and I would ride these things all over the place eventually ending up in an old dilapidated chicken coop that was in the backyard. We’d put dirt in an old can and add water then proceed to “paint” the coop while singing “Jeremiah Was a Bullfrog” at the top of our lungs. I’m sure the neighbors thought we were adorable.  

Carrie and I always managed to have fun no matter what but we weren’t perfect angels by any stretch of the imagination.  One time, when I was spending the night with her in the big ol’ Victorian and Carrie had been a beast all day. What four year old can’t be, right? Anyway it was bath time. And best friends bathe together right? So her mom got the bath ready and we got in and started playing in the tub. 

She was doing something that annoyed me I’m sure so I got the bright idea to fill a Dixie cup with hot water and make her drink it. You know how when you’re a kid you can't think past the next minute? Well, I filled up the cup and the water was hot enough to melt the wax off and burn the crap out of my fingers. I handed it to her. She drank it. She only waited about two beats before she screamed bloody murder. 

I swear I didn’t think it would hurt her that bad. I think. Needless to say, she got to stay up and watch TV while I had to go straight to bed. I was more upset about not getting to watch TV. It wouldn’t be the last time I tortured that poor kid. I think that says a lot about what a vindictive asshole I can be.

That's all for now. More's to come! Later bitches.

Just Little Ol' Me

Deuces!

It’s been ages since I’ve written anything and for that I do apologize. But then again, that just means we have so much fun stuff to catch up on!

I am the recent recipient of a new iPhone and I’ve got to tell you it is true love. I’m a glorified iPhoney. Actually I’m more in love with the apps, namely Twitter. For those of you that are Tweeps you can follow me at @melsiev3. For those of you who don’t know what that means you already know how to follow me. J

So I’ve decided to write a memoir.  As I get closer to the big 5-OH I find myself thinking a lot about my life and you, dear, dear reader get to be the recipient of those ruminations! Yay!  Mostly though, this is about the love only true friendship brings. I'll be adding to this often. I hope you'll stick with me.  Enjoy!

My first memories are just snapshots really.

Click - I’m sitting on the hood of my dad’s car in my blue velvet sailor suit with my black plastic old timey phone while he takes my picture with his old timey camera. It was a little bothersome really.  I just wanted to call somebody and try not to slide off that big ass car to my death.
 

Click – Driving to Arizona with my grandparents. I was three. My great aunt Billie and uncle Jack lived up in the mountains in a cabin. They were the caretakers of a big estate or some such shit. I remember my Uncle Jack carrying me everywhere because he was afraid I’d “git bit” by a rattlesnake or carried off by mountain lions or something. My Grandmother being apalled that I kept putting his stinky old work hat and boots on. Apparently they were gross. I thought they smelled like Heaven.

Click - Same Arizona trip, taking a walk with my Grandfather where we found a little mountain stream. In the stream there were all of these tadpoles. Seriously there were millions of them all swishing around. He reached down and scooped some up in his hands.  I was fascinated by how they just swam around in his big hands.  For the whole time I knew my Grandfather I was fascinated by his hands. They were beautiful. I would sit on his lap and just stare at his hands.  My mother’s hands look a lot like his hands although she’ll probably hate that I said that. I’ve always loved her hands too.

Click – Same trip to Arizona. Maybe even the same walk. My Grandpa and I came upon this big empty swimming pool out in the middle of the desert.  Weird, right? We walked down the pool steps and all of a sudden there were all of these little lizards running everywhere.  I remember my Grandpa climbing out of the pool and standing on the edge laughing his ass off while I chased those fuckers everywhere. I have no idea what I would have done if I’d caught one. Probably shit myself.

Click – I’m riding the silver gas tank in my grandparent’s backyard like it was a prize racehorse, getting silver paint all over my legs and clothes (much to Grandma’s dismay!”) yelling “Yah!” at the top of my lungs until the next door neighbor came up to the fence and asked me if I was retarded. I said no, I am GERONIMO!

Click – My mom, who like everyone in my family EXCEPT me is an exceptional athlete, wanted to teach me how to catch a ball with my baseball glove. She’d throw it. I’d hold my glove up in front of my face like she taught me and just about the time the ball got to me I’d step aside. Apparently I was afraid of the ball. And like any good parent who wants to teach their child not to be afraid of something they must first prove that it will not kill them. So mom threw the ball at my head as hard as she could, well maybe not that hard. I guess she was thinking I would instinctively put my glove in front of my face. I didn’t. The ball hit me right in the nose. Good throw, Mom. Blood gushed everywhere and it HURT like a mofo. My Grandma, who had witnessed the whole event, was so mad at my Mom.  I’ve never seen my mom so contrite.  But you know what? I always had my glove up in front of my face from that point on.

Click – Being sent into the store when I was five or six to buy cigarettes (you could do that in the sixties) for my mom and my aunt. While inside the store they’d move the car. Mom always swore they never lost sight of me. I just remember standing there like a dumbass wondering if the Indians that my mother always threatened to send me too when I was bad would throw balls at my head too.  This happened so many times that after a while I always knew to look for the car anywhere but where it was when I went into the store. Now you may think that a cruel joke to play on a child but I tell you what, it taught me something.

Fear is conquerable.

I have a lot more clicks but I think that’s enough for now.