So Lindsay Lohan is headed back to jail. I’d say poor her but since she likes the ladies I don’t think a mandatory vagina convention is going to upset her much. How is this hag not already locked up? Hey A&E, instead of sending an 8 year old who sassed his mother into a federal Penitentiary, why not send Lindsay? Come on over here and sit by Bone Eatah, girl. I’ll protect you. Of course who can really fault her behavior? If you caught last season’s Celebrity Rehab which featured none other than Papa Lohan it kind of gives you some insight on why Lindsay is such a colossal fucklehead. I almost believed he cared about her, for a second, when he was crying and talking about being in prison with dudes who had pictures of Lindsay with dicks drawn in her mouth. Then I thought how would he know that? Prisoners aren’t usually allowed in each other’s cells. Could it be that it was in his cell? Eww.
The “Occupy Wall Street” crusade is in its death throes. All it took was for the cops to take away their generators and some really cold weather. I mean how can you possibly run an efficient protest if you can’t hook up your XBox, recharge your iPod or heat up your HotPockets? Savages! The protest has lasted a little over a month. If it ends this week they’ll be just in time to grab up all those seasonal Walmart jobs!
Speaking of Christmas – it isn’t Christmas you Retail Giant whores. It’s not even freaking Thanksgiving for cripes sake! Nothing makes me want to celebrate the true meaning of the birth of our dear Lord like seeing Christmas decorations in September. Hey, the kids don’t need school supplies nearly as much as they need a brand new, child size, polyester NASCAR® Christmas stocking to hang over the fake fireplace or a dancing Santa that also poops marshmallows. I dunno, I’m starting to believe retailers think we’re stupid. Oh wait…
Anybody in the Midwest feel the earth move last night? I know I did. My first earthquake/tremor-how exciting! It was just one more sign of the Apocalypse. You know, the Signs like FOX canceling Dollhouse, mom jeans are no longer cool, Charlie Sheen, Hugh Jackman is still in the closet, those commercials that say high fructose corn syrup and sugar are basically the same thing, Jesus Camp-the movie, etc., etc.
In other news, Mark Zuckerberg spent a nice quite weekend in Palo Alto organizing his hoodies. Must be nice. I don’t own a hoodie and don’t want one. I would however like to have a nice sweater or one of those Branson sweatshirts with the big sunflowers or sad puppies painted on them to go with my bedazzled mom jeans. Hillbilly chic-it’s the new black.
That’s it for now. Later bitches.
Ballin’
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