Randon Rant (Repost)

What’s wrong with the world? Well, in a word-nothing. The world is working just exactly as it’s supposed to. It’s spinning and tilting on its axis as it has for billions of years. The real question is what’s wrong with Humanity? Have we always been so mean and cynical?

Well, let’s see: Cain offed his brother because he was jealous of him. Paris wanted to doink Helen of Troy so bad that he abducted and raped (I made that part up) her. Stockholm Syndrome anyone? (Ok, mythology I know. But still.) Julius Caesar conquered pretty much all of the known world because he could but then had to go all the way to Egypt to get a piece of ass. Then one sunny day in March all his friends knifed him to death. Nice. Cleopatra murdered her sister and brother so she could be Pharoh. Augustus Caesar killed Cleopatra (yeah, I know she killed herself but that little fucker forced her hand) and Egypt was never the same. A nice little Jewish boy is born in Bethlehem. He knows he’s special. His mom and Dad told him so. Then 30 some odd years later he’s nailed to a cross while the once adoring public poke him with sticks and throw rocks at him until he dies. He got the last laugh though, didn’t He?

Fast forward a few centuries.

Isabella II wants the Jews to either convert to the “true faith” or get the hell out of Spain. I can just picture it. Isabella seductively fingers Torquemada’s robes, “Tommy” she says, “the Jews are ruining Christmas. Fix it for me big fella?” “Sure thing, Izzy. I know some guys. We’ll get ‘er done”. King Henry VIII marries his dead bro’s wife who claims to be a virgin. Yeah, she probably was. Have you ever met an uber Catholic girl? She pops out Mary who was no slouch in the hating of anyone who wasn’t a Catholic (Jews and Protestants were all the same to her) but then her pipes bust and no male heirs. So what does dashing Hank do? He finds himself a nice little piece to dilly dallie with and decides to marry her. But whoa, Catherine (you know, Mary’s mom) says hold up there Hanky-poo. I’m your true wife and the priest did say “til death do us part”. He says no problem, I’ll just tell the Pope you weren’t a virgin, i.e you were a slut, when I married you so there. Now folks, Cathy wasn’t no slouch and she tells ol’ Hank go ahead you jerk; he’s my nephew. Neener, neener, neener. Hankie says well if the Pope won’t play by the rules I’ll just change them! Take that! And he DID!

Fast forward a few more centuries.

So there’s this guy we’ll call Adolph. You know, because that was his name. Daddy didn’t love him. Mom was a whack job. Now ‘Dolphy just wants to paint. Paint and get rid of anyone who wasn’t German, blond haired and blue eyed. Ironic isn’t it? Adolph Hitler was a dark haired, brown eyed Austrian. Ponder that one for a minute. But the Germans say “Hey, he got the trains to run on time, and got rid of those pesky Jews (who make really good bread), Gypsies (who make really good palm readers), and homosexuals (who, let’s face it, dance, dress and smell nice). So while he’s doing all this-turning various religious, ethnic and social groups into kindling-the rest of the world just sits back and says “We don’t want to get involved”. Ten million people have to die the most vile and heinous deaths imaginable for humanity to say “You know, that Adolph Hitler fella might just be a bad guy. Help?” Nothin’ says lovin’ like something from the oven. Gross. All it took for the United States to get involved in WWII (aka The Big One) was a little commotion over at Pearl Harbor caused by the Japanese. What the hell did we ever do to them? Oh yeah. Exist. If you ever want to get every member of the Army, Navy, Air Force or Marines pissed off just attack us on our own soil. Armed Forces enema anyone?

Fast forward a few years.

1937 Saddam Hussein is born.
1952 Muammar Gaddafi is born.
1957 Osama bin Laden is born.

What do you suppose their parent’s hopes and dreams for them were? As Mama Hussein suckles her newborn do you think she was hoping he’d grow up to be a murdering douchebag? Papa bin Laden stares down at his son whose tiny hand grips his bejeweled finger. Papa says to himself, “Yes, this boy will live and die in a cave after instigating the murders innocent infidels.” Prolly not.

Now I realize I’ve taken great license here. I’ve left out a lot of history. Mostly I’ve left out the good that we, Humanity, have done. And we have done good folks. Don’t forget that. It hasn’t all been bad. It’s just that we’ve been trained from the beginning of time to hate what we can’t have. To take what isn’t ours. To scorn anyone who isn’t like us or doesn’t think like us. And to ridicule those who fight against that attitude.
In essence we’re all assholes in one way or another so just face it. Do what you can to make Humanity better and leave the World the fuck alone. She can take care of herself.